Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Words for worthless whatsits
FEEDBACK was not aware that any other language had a synonym for the Yiddish tchotchke, 鈥渁 trinket of no discernible function鈥� (13 December 2014). So we are pleasantly surprised by the number of suggestions.
Before the ink was dry a colleague observed that 鈥渙nly the other day I found myself uttering the sentence 鈥楲ittle girls鈥� party bags just get filled with pink plastic tat鈥�.鈥� But we first heard 鈥渢at鈥� in an entirely different context, referring to rather unofficial street parties: 鈥渋f the cops seize our tat, we鈥檙e stuffed 鈥� can we sort backup?鈥� To the utterers, items of 鈥渢at鈥� were essential. A discussion on attitudes to needs and possessions, and the effects of parenthood on these, ensued.
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A website asked John Gibson 鈥淲hat is your lucky number?鈥� as a security question. It then complained his answer was too short. 鈥淚f I pick a longer one, it won鈥檛 be my lucky number鈥︹��
Scots has words for these
OTHER nominations for tchotchke synonyms included John Rawson鈥檚 鈥渕athom鈥�, as 鈥渢he hobbit term for anything which they had no use for but were unwilling to throw away鈥�. The hobbits鈥� creator John Ronald Reuel Tolkien was a language scholar. We cannot rule out his engaging in a quest parallel to ours, only to cheat by attempting his own synonym.
Andrew Shead and Iain Wallace mentioned geegaw, which Iain identifies as Scots. Never having lived in Scotland proper (we think Edinburgh hardly counts for these purposes), Feedback cannot be sure, but we believe geegaws are necessarily shiny: a tchotchke can be as dull as you like.
Judith Woolf, also a language-related scholar, supplies another Scots delight: a whigmaleerie is 鈥渁 fancy ornament or small and useless knick-knack鈥�. We agree that the word 鈥渃omes in handy for Feedback in its alternative sense: a fanciful notion or contrivance鈥�.
Recycling fear-mongering
SHOULD your home be infested by whigmaleeries, you may be thinking about recycling. We witnessed the distress of a German-speaking neighbour deprived of the chance to lovingly sort unwanted things when her council switched to a single recycling bin (29 March 2014). She may have been more at home in the Netherlands where in 1989, Patrick Fenlon reports, householders had to sort out 10 different categories from 鈥渕achinery鈥� via 鈥渞ubble鈥� to 鈥渙ther鈥�.
Funnily enough, we have since found a small spate of alarm about this. 鈥淔amilies may have to separate rubbish into six separate bins due to European regulations coming into force in January鈥� in August 2014. In October 2013 the threat had been smaller: 鈥淎t least FOUR recycling boxes for EVERY home鈥� was the fear of the Daily Mail. But that story : 鈥渓ocal authorities can comply without requiring households to use separate bins鈥�. A storm in a chipped teacup, then. (But would a ceramic teacup be 鈥渞ubble鈥� or 鈥渙ther鈥�?)
Muphry was here, and here
SEVERAL readers congratulated us on the recursive nature of the column which opened 鈥淢uphry鈥檚 Law holds鈥� that whenever one criticises editing or proofreading, there will be a fault in what you have written.鈥� (6 December 2014). We should perhaps have repeated that the law was by John Bangsund of the Victorian Society of Editors 鈥� the Australian state, not the reign 鈥� in a self-referential homage to Murphy of 鈥渋f it can go wrong, it will鈥� fame (1 March 2014). Extensive research into the matter reveals that it has also been named the 鈥淟aw of Pedantic Reverberation鈥�. Where? Er, here (2 October 1999).
Off by one error trap
WHATEVER we call the above-mentioned law mandating an error for an error, it has once more been tested, and again not falsified. John Cockton queried our explanation for marking 快猫短视频鈥榮 numerical millennium with issue 3002, because issue 3001 had been absorbed into a seasonal double issue (3 January). Should we have adjusted for previous such issues? As we were replying ruefully to John that whatever arithmetic we did would likely be plagued by what computer programmers call an 鈥渙ff-by-one error鈥�, another message arrived from Chris Ford: 鈥淓r, isn鈥檛 your edition 3002 the dawn of your fourth millennium?鈥�. Whoops.
Amazing St Pancras discovery
TEMPTING Muphry once more, we return to safety precautions at the Francis Crick Institute, a medical research facility being build next to St Pancras station in London (20/27 December 2014). Biological hazards are graded on a whole-number scale.
The Institute that it will not handle level 4 bugs but also that its hazard rating is greater than 3. Colin del Strother concludes that, whatever the safety issues, 鈥渢he discovery of a new integer between 3 and 4 must be of some scientific interest.鈥�
Pre-meditated elephants
FINALLY, there must be a parallel law governing metaphorical quantitative help for readers. Feedback mentioned another publication鈥檚 observation that plucky little lander Philae had the same weight as a newborn elephant (6 December 2014). Meanwhile on page 46 of that issue, as four readers pointed out, pressure at the bottom of Challenger Deep in the Mariana Trench 鈥渋s equivalent to having two elephants standing on your big toe鈥�. Was this deliberate, we asked a colleague. 鈥淎bsolutely. Metric elephants, naturellement.鈥�