A FEW years ago, Sony鈥檚 co-founder Akio Morita was asked to name the gizmo
that had most changed our lives. His answer was the remote control.
We can now do most things without standing up or moving. But the problem with
remotes is that they burrow beneath cushions, hide behind furniture or migrate
inexplicably to the fridge. It is then impossible to work most functions on the
equipment, or even to turn the sound down.
鈥淥h, we solved that,鈥� said a Philips engineer dismissively when we moaned
about there being fewer and fewer manual overrides on TVs. 鈥淪ome of the sets we
sell in the US send out a finder signal. If you lose the remote you just switch
the set off at the mains and on again and the lost remote bleeps.鈥�
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The feature is cheap to provide, but Philips has never bothered to build it
into European TVs. Why not, for heaven鈥檚 sake? 鈥淏ecause Americans lose more
remotes,鈥� he supposed. Does Philips know only tidy Europeans? Chez
Feedback, alles is hardly ever in Ordnung.
WILL partygoers who want to keep their lives tidy and reject unwanted
advances at midnight on 31 December this year be rated as 鈥渘ot Y2K compliant鈥�,
asks Andrea Dobbyn. And conversely, will the Y2K-compliant 鈥渁ccept all comers鈥�?
She goes on to contemplate tacky T-shirts, but Feedback鈥檚 mind is already
wandering . . .
ANIMAL welfare is all very well, but this takes the bacon: Pharmacia &
Upjohn has developed a factor-8 sunscreen especially for farm animals鈥攂ut
mostly, it seems, in the interests of productivity. 鈥淥ne can imagine that a sow
doesn鈥檛 like having a 250-kilogram breeding boar mounting her if her back is
scorched by the sun,鈥� Liselotte Madsen told the Danish newspaper Politiken
recently. Denmark famously has twice as many pigs as people, and
when they are 鈥渨elfare-expired鈥� their remains make up about 13 per cent of all
Danish exports.
IN 1923 Sir Compton Mackenzie founded Gramophone magazine. Its pages
were soon enlivened by raging arguments between Mackenzie and his technical
editor Percy Wilson on the relative merits of acoustic and electrical sound
recording. Written and read by serious music lovers ever since, the magazine is
staid, stable and of literary merit.
Until now. Gramaphone[sic] magazine has a new owner, announces the
Haymarket group, better known for titles such as Stuff and What
Hi-Fi? The announcement reminds readers than an awards ceremony is 鈥減laned鈥�
for October and goes on to talk of 鈥渋nsight in to鈥� brand development. It
declares the need 鈥渢o develop a strategic plan鈥�, but the omens are not good.
Stuff has just announced its Millennium Awards for best gadgets. The
Iomega Clik! miniature disc drive wins one prize. Stuff鈥檚 announcement
explains helpfully that it is a 鈥渃omputer periphery [sic] for the unitiated
[sic]鈥�. Mind you, the Law of Pedantic Reverberation almost guarantees that
something will go wrong with this paragaph.
AND ARE you thinking of investing in the millennium collection of British
stamps from the Royal Mail? If so, take note: the application form for the
collector鈥檚 guide states that the Royal Mail cannot take responsibility for
applications or guides lost or damaged in the post.
ANYONE who fancies the idea of camping at liquid nitrogen temperatures will
appreciate the latest Argos Superstore catalogue. It lists a sleeping bag which,
it says, is 鈥渟uitable for temperatures up to minus 15 degrees鈥�.
READER Peter Fyfe was puzzled by a bottle of 鈥淐harleston鈥檚 of Tasmania
Australian Mineral Water鈥�, which, the label boasts, is 鈥渢he world鈥檚 purest鈥�. The
label adds: 鈥淭he water has been carbon-dated to around 6000 years old and
contains no traces of chemicals. It remains unaffected by the nuclear radiation
present in all other water (including rainwater) since the advent of the nuclear
age. It is also the only Australian mineral water known to contain natural
fluoride.鈥� Water containing fluoride and yet free of chemicals? Carbon-dated and
yet free of nuclear radiation? How do they do it?
NOMINATIVE determinism nominations are flooding in again, as we should have
expected when our will weakened last month. But first this: the manager of
environmental policy in the media section of the Nuclear Energy Institute, the
lobby group for the US nuclear industry based in Washington DC, is Linda Gunter.
The communications director for the Safe Energy Communication Council, a lobby
group for US antinuclear groups also based in Washington DC is . . . Linda
Gunter. Different women, different sides of the argument, same name.
What to call this undeterministic phenomenon? The opposite of determinism
used to be 鈥渇ree will鈥�, but the concept 鈥渘ominative free will鈥� is already
claimed by the Artist Formerly Known as Prince. Recent, inexact, usage suggests
the more appropriate 鈥渘ominative chaos鈥�.
THE FROZEN food giant Iceland recently made reader Andrew Ferguson a
resistible offer on a packet of Fern Cakes (whatever they may be): 鈥淭hree for
the price of four鈥�.