Olga Khazan (John Murray (UK); S&S/Simon Element (US))
Maybe you would like to be more outgoing or organised. Or perhaps you want to worry less, or achieve more. It seems like everyone has something they would change about themselves if they could 鈥� some trait they would like to either possess or shed.
The self-help and wellness industries have successfully monetised that desire, promising if only we buy the right products and services, we might be transformed into new and better people. But is it possible to alter our personalities, or are we stuck with who we are?
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That is the question US journalist Olga Khazan sets out to answer in Me, But Better: The science and promise of personality change, by experimenting on herself. In 2021, Khazan, a staffer at The Atlantic magazine, was assigned to spend three months trying to become, as she writes, less 鈥渘eurotic, introverted, and disagreeable鈥�.
Having attempted to make new friends and dabbled in meditation and other experiments in 鈥渟ociability, tranquillity and niceness鈥�, a test showed modest improvements in Khazan鈥檚 extraversion and neuroticism 鈥� two of the 鈥渂ig five鈥� personality traits, along with conscientiousness, openness and agreeableness.
For the book, Khazan extended her investigation, dedicating a year to self-improvement, this time with higher stakes. Me, But Better begins with Khazan as a self-described 鈥渉igh-strung misanthrope鈥� debating both an interstate move and whether to become a parent. In the face of such personal upheaval, she reasons, it couldn鈥檛 hurt to try to become more agreeable.
She is admirably frank (and often funny) about her personal deficiencies, such as her tendency to isolate herself from others, use alcohol to relieve stress and anxiety and fly off the handle at minor inconveniences. Even when she plays up her faults for comedic effect, Khazan is honest about their negative impact and unwavering in her commitment to change.
This combination of openness and conscientiousness 鈥� traits for which Khazan scored 鈥渧ery high鈥� 鈥� elevates Me, But Better beyond self-help or stunt journalism. You believe she really does want to change 鈥� and is prepared to expend shoe leather in the attempt.
For her personality 鈥渢une-up鈥�, Khazan spends a few months at a time tackling each of the big five traits. To reduce her 鈥渆xtreme鈥� neuroticism, she enrols in a mindfulness programme; to become more extroverted, she throws a party, joins an improv class and attends MeetUp events for like-minded strangers.
With her self-awareness and acerbic wit, Khazan is a winning narrator and guide through the frequently awkward process of self-improvement. The entertaining first-person set pieces are complemented with research and reporting, with dozens of expert interviews and case studies seamlessly integrated into the narrative. Khazan鈥檚 light touch, despite the density and range of her material, is a testament to her confidence and skill as a journalist: she digs into the (relatively new) science of personality without ever sacrificing nuance or readability.
On the key question of whether it is possible to make personality changes that stick, Khazan comes to a hopeful conclusion. Between 30 and 50 per cent of personality may be attributable to genes, so we have some influence over the rest 鈥� and a lot of evidence supports faking it until you make it. 鈥淵ou just have to remember to act how you鈥檇 like to be, consistently,鈥� she writes.
A lesser author might have resorted to a limp message of self-acceptance.
Elle Hunt is a writer based in聽Norwich, UK
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