快猫短视频

Feedback on the news that the reverse universe is beige

Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more

Universe in reverse

Some weeks ago, 快猫短视频 covered a physics theory that was even more mind-blowing than usual that suggested scientists may have spotted a parallel universe going backwards in time. Sadly for those of us who hanker for the non-self-isolated past, it didn鈥檛 seem as though it was taking passengers.

One person who will be particularly disappointed with that news is whoever posted the story to the 快猫短视频 Twitter account. For reasons no doubt to remain lost in the mists of (future) time, the majestic artwork commissioned to accompany the story in print was replaced on Twitter by a monochrome square of solid brown. An odd state of affairs, and one that prompted no small amount of head-scratching from our readers.

鈥淭his backwards universe has obviously reached the 1970s as it鈥檚 all brown,鈥 said @Fredsmoustache, a sentiment echoed by @aspectacledbear, who asked: 鈥淚s that picture the colour of their bathroom suite?鈥 Meanwhile, @AgitatedGeek took a more optimistic view of the whole affair, exclaiming: 鈥淏EHOLD, THE BEIGE DIMENSION鈥. Features editors, we have an idea for you!

Keep your distance

Feedback has always been fond of unusual systems of measurement. Planet weights measured in African elephants, sleeping bags twice the size of Wales, that kind of thing. Trouble is, the same units crop up time and time again. That鈥檚 why we have been pleased to see the social distancing guidelines providing fodder for a new generation of bizarre units.

In Toronto, people are encouraged to stand one hockey stick apart, while in Colorado they are urged to use either a pair of skis or a refrigerator. Leon county in Florida explains that 2 metres corresponds to the length of an alligator, while residents of the Yukon were given it in caribou. Our favourite, though, has to be the poster from Guatemala that apparently measures the distance out in tapirs.

Exterminate covid-19

Is there anyone in the universe who hasn鈥檛 heard about the coronavirus pandemic? If goings-on in the North Yorkshire village of Robin Hood鈥檚 Bay are anything to go by, apparently not. One resident filmed a health and safety announcement being broadcast from a motorised vehicle doing the rounds of the village. Not just any motorised vehicle, though, but a Dalek. 鈥淏y order of the Daleks,鈥 it screeched, 鈥渁ll humans must stay indoors, all humans must self-isolate.鈥 If the most nefarious Doctor Who villains ever are looking out for our well-being, things must be grim.

Thanks from our tank

An especial thank you goes to 14-year-old reader Esm茅 Krom, who has mastered the art of cheering up other people 鈥 and indeed the art of, well, art. Esm茅 sent in a drawing inspired by a recent Feedback in which we outed ourselves as 鈥渁n intelligent and overachieving octopus kept in an ornate tank at 快猫短视频 HQ with access to a typewriter, an encyclopaedia, the day鈥檚 papers and a constant supply of artisanal coffee to help it churn out witticisms with just the right level of snark to be acceptable to its overbearing editor鈥. Her resulting portrait can be found in the bottom left corner of this page, as well as stamped on to every item of crockery Feedback possesses.

Cat opportunity

Working from home is all very well for some. Feedback, for instance, is perfectly comfortably typing away from inside its tank with an ornate golden whibble on the top. But for some people 鈥 NASA engineers with live-in pets and important remote spacecraft to steer 鈥 things aren鈥檛 so rosy. 鈥淎ctually discussed in a virtual meeting today: how to keep cats from accidentally commanding spacecraft,鈥 tweeted NASA astrophysicist Amber Straughn.

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