Subjection line
Is there another real-world phenomenon that so perfectly illustrates the concept of exponential growth as emails?
Take, by comparison, the story of the chessboard and the rice. In this well-worn fable, an emperor is so grateful for the services of an IT consultant that he accedes to her unusual request for payment. Instead of cash in hand, the canny coder would like a chessboard with a single grain of rice on the first square, two on the second, four on the third and so on until square 64.
Sounds cheap; is expensive. The final square contains a hill of rice so big that it would tower over Everest. The hapless emperor, however, doesn鈥檛 earn Feedback鈥檚 sympathy. At least he only needed to communicate with the paddy fields by messenger. Imagine managing such a rice-growing project with the help of email. 鈥淩e:Fw:Re:Re:Rice Payment 鈥� Maybe we could meet off-grid to ideate how best to interface with future freelancers鈥�, 鈥淩e:Re:Legal advice 鈥� I am out of the office right now. For any rice-related queries please email Martha in HR.鈥� It鈥檚 enough to make one abdicate.
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It now turns out that keeping a lid on unnecessary emails wouldn鈥檛 only be good for our mental health, but could actually save the planet. Energy company OVO reckons that people in the UK send more than 64 million unnecessary emails every day whoever it was that had the role before them for thanking them for something that nobody remembers doing.
If every sender in the country cut back on just one of these superfluous missives, OVO reckons it would reduce the UK鈥檚 annual carbon footprint by 16,433 tonnes. What a brilliant idea. We know just who to forward it on to.
Sweet prints
Technology brings other perils, too. Who among us hasn鈥檛 saved for a prized bit of kit only to find, upon purchasing, that the cable doesn鈥檛 fit or the batteries are the wrong size or the voltage isn鈥檛 compatible or the instruction manuals have been put through a shredder and reassembled in the wrong order?
It is with forgiveness in our heart, therefore, that Feedback casts its gaze to the Irish parliament. In May 2018, it seems, the parliament purchased a Komori GL-429 printer. We hope it was able to take advantage of a sizeable Amazon voucher because, at 鈧�808,000, that is one eye-watering piece of machinery. It doesn鈥檛 even appear capable of printing money, which is the only way Feedback could imagine justifying such a purchase.
The situation rapidly worsened when, according to The Irish Times to fit in its appointed nook. Instead of returning to sender and investing in something a little more sensible (like, say, a fleet of typesetting rhinoceroses), the parliament decided to spend another 鈧�236,000 on tearing down walls and adding steel reinforcement to the floor. White elephants Feedback has heard of 鈥� but CMYK elephants? This may well be the first.
Asbestos we can tell
Welcome to Asbestos, population: dissatisfied. A small Canadian town with this unfortunate name is looking to refresh its identity , 鈥渢he word 鈥榓sbestos鈥� unfortunately doesn鈥檛 have a good connotation鈥�. This is the same wording Feedback鈥檚 estate agents used the last time we tried selling our house.
Asbestos, Quebec, is an old mining town named for its most important export. This leads to a lot of unattractive finger-pointing that would be far more restrained if the same principle were employed elsewhere. Residents of Colonialism, UK, for instance, might sympathise with Asbestos鈥檚 plight while boarding flights to Chlorinated Chicken, US.
The heartbreaking detail is that Asbestos is an overwhelmingly Francophone town, which means that its residents are being punished for a name that they themselves find unobjectionable. As the town鈥檚 mayor told Bloomberg, potential investors even refused to take a business card with the fateful name written on it.
A new name is on the cards 鈥� or will be 鈥� sometime next year. Here鈥檚 hoping that it treats them better.
Princess and pauper
If we can return to emails for a moment, we would like to thank the for sending us a press release that perfectly illustrates the need for one less email a day. Preferably that one.
In it, the informs us of the salaries that Disney princesses would be likely to earn based on their respective areas of expertise. Ariel from The Little Mermaid, for example, 鈥渃ould put her love of exploring and collecting curiosities to the test in a Marine Biologist role鈥�, which may come with a salary of up to 拢35,867.
Looking into the question further, Feedback has learned that this is actually the . What the press release doesn鈥檛 mention is that Ariel鈥檚 male friend Flounder could expect to earn 拢45,800 in the same role.
It鈥檚 enough to inspire Sebastian to sing a protest song. 鈥淓ven the sturgeon and the ray, they gotta fight for equal pay. We got the spirit, you got to hear it, under the sea.鈥�
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