Only the clonely
THE Nigerian president is not a clone. Or, at least, he isn鈥檛 admitting it if he is. Which is fair enough, really, if you consider what a bum rap clones tend to get. They are like evil twins, aren鈥檛 they, only eviller and more twinny, and without the little goatee beard that lets you know which twin to blast out of the airlock.
So Muhammadu Buhari 鈥� clone or otherwise 鈥� is playing a shrewd game. So long as he holds off inviting journalists to an underground genetics laboratory located in a hall of mirrors during a Muhammadu Buhari-themed fancy dress party where a magician teleports him across the room, he should be home and dry.
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Of course, his denial didn鈥檛 come from nowhere. Rumours have been circulating on social media for months that the 75-year-old president has died and been replaced. Feedback鈥檚 verdict? Fake news 鈥� or, as we like to call it, political incorrectness gone mad. Whatever the reality, guard against the usual anti-clone bias. Remember: they are people just like us.
鈥淗uffPost UK confesses: 鈥淲e鈥檝e deleted an earlier version of this video that incorrectly described Sir David Attenborough as a 鈥榥aturist.鈥� We of course meant to describe him as a naturalist.鈥濃��
Fake a break
Feedback has only ever wanted one thing out of a holiday: the chance to pay an Instagram celebrity 拢70 to take and post #inspirational photos of our trip while we recover on the beach between multiple raids on the #buffet.
This is why we will be heading straight to Switzerland next summer, where the Ibis hotel chain has trialled the concept of a 鈥渟ocial media sitter鈥�. Think of it like a dogwalker for those who pad after you online: they still get to see the city and you never have to leave the couch. #Brilliant.
In the doghouse
AND on the subject of dogs, it seems that man鈥檚 best friend has been sold a pup. A far more accurate epithet, according to research in the journal 础苍迟丑谤辞锄辞枚蝉, would be 鈥渨oman鈥檚 best sleeping partner鈥�. Compared with human companions, it seems, shih tzus in the sheets cause less sleep disturbance for women, and schnauzers in pyjama trousers can actively promote a sense of comfort and security. Don鈥檛 despair entirely, though 鈥� it seems that we humans are at the very least no worse bedfellows than cats.
Equine inequality
UNRELATED research in that same journal also brings us depressing news about our attitude to horses. Sexism, it seems, is not only blind to creed and colour, but is also blinkered enough to grope its way across barriers between species.
In a survey of more than 1000 equestrians, stallions were widely seen as powerful and handsome, while mares were judged as moody and unpredictable. These assumptions, which seem to be drawn from age-old gender stereotypes rather than on any performance-based metric, are long overdue for the knackers鈥� yard.
Turn back the clock
EMILE RATELBAND wants to die young. Or, at the very least, younger than he currently is. The self-styled 鈥減ositivity guru鈥�, a trim 69-year-old Dutchman with a salt-and-pepper beard and a can-do attitude, harbours a profound longing to be a 49-year-old Dutchman with the same salt-and-pepper beard and a look-what-I-did-do record of success.
Earlier this year, Ratelband asked a court in the Netherlands to legally take 20 years off his age, perhaps with the option of further time off for good behaviour. Disdaining the usual mechanisms for attaining eternal youth (time machines, magical springs, Victorian portrait painters with roomy attics), he wanted the court to simply bring his birth date 20 years into the future.
Alas, the Arnhem court rejected his appeal, citing the complications such a change would pose for official record-keeping. Ratelband, for his part, has vowed to carry on the good fight. Until death, presumably, or birth 鈥� whichever comes first.
Boys and their toys
YOUTUBE鈥橲 highest earning star is a 7-year-old called Ryan who reviews toys. Forbes magazine has revealed that the photogenic youngster took home $22 million over the past year 鈥� enough to secure a decent crop of toys for next year鈥檚 videos or maybe put down a deposit for a one-bedroom flat in central London.
It does make you wonder how that kind of money would change the tenor of his criticism鈥�
Hello fans and welcome to the latest episode of Sal鈥檚 Spectacular Toy Review. To those of you wondering why I鈥檓 talking to you from inside Buckingham Palace, that鈥檚 because I live here now. It鈥檚 great 鈥� there are enough stairs for a million different slinkies and I can play chess with an actual royal family. Would recommend.
Anyway, the first toy we鈥檒l be looking at today is this limited-edition version of Jenga made of 24-carat gold bars. Not bad, I suppose, if you鈥檙e on a budget, but it lacks the kind of finish you鈥檇 expect from a big brand. If you ask me, I prefer the Hungry Hungry Hippos I can play in my winter home in the Maasai Mara. The caviar bill racks up quickly but it is worth it for the views.
Sad to say that鈥檚 it for this week, guys, tune in next time to watch me play Battleship with the North Atlantic Fleet. They鈥檒l let me do anything. It鈥檚 wild!
Oh, and don鈥檛 forget to click the link to like and subscribe.
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