Drink with care
OUR colleague returned from the US with a bottle of Essentia Water, an 鈥渆xceptionally pure, smooth tasting鈥� variety that regales drinkers with the thrilling gambit that every bottle is 鈥�9.5 pH or higher鈥�.
, and the label takes pains to assure us these electrolytes are 鈥渁dded for taste鈥� and certainly not, say, because the first additive has a pH of 9.5 and the second acts as a buffer.
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Those tempted to take a sip but worried the contents might be more alkaline than Toilet Duck unfortunately have no recourse to safety: the label explains matter-of-factly that the alkaline water is 鈥渢oo pure to be tested by pH strips鈥�.
Those about to play a bleach-themed game of Russian roulette with their mouth will take little comfort in the motivational aphorism plastered on the company鈥檚 Facebook page: 鈥渕istakes are proof that you鈥檙e trying鈥�.
鈥溾�滱fter querying my order for dog food from Devoted Pet Foods in Tamworth,鈥� says Bel Goldie-Morrison, 鈥渕y answer from the 鈥楧evoted Team鈥� came from none other than Laura Kibble.鈥濃��
Closed book
PREVIOUSLY we discussed the potential of leaving a post-mortem status update to brief your social network after you鈥檝e shuffled off this mortal coil (5 November).
Little did we realise that Facebook had performed a test run of the technology. For a brief interval on the afternoon of 11 February, many visitors to the social network discovered that they had died. Even Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg had passed away.
But reports of a mass die-off had been greatly exaggerated, a statement issued by the company said afterwards. A glitch in the matrix, or a grim vision of what 2016 had in store for us?
Dust to dust
WARMING to the challenge of final status updates is Sarah Jenkins, who thinks that Anatoli Petrovich Bugorski, the Russian scientist who famously survived a strike by a particle accelerator beam in 1978, might announce his passing with the posting: 鈥淚 regret to announce, I am now a past particle鈥�.
Bad seed
OUR colleagues in the news section discuss carbon nanotube-laced spinach plants that detect explosives, concluding that 鈥渆ventually it could be possible to sow seeds across a site suspected of containing landmines and use the plant detection system to locate them鈥� (bit.ly/ns_spim).
Ian Napier writes 鈥淢ight the reason for this not yet having been tested be down to a lack of volunteers willing to undertake the sowing process?鈥� What is needed, we think, is a plant that shows where in a minefield it鈥檚 safe to sow the spinach. And, er, a plant that shows where it鈥檚 safe to sow that one, and鈥�
Rock solid
OFTEN we find beauty products hiding behind vague promises of benefit, so it鈥檚 pleasing to see a company prepared to name specifics. Chris Smith was browsing through the High Life magazine given out to British Airways passengers recently when he spied an advert for an eye cream that promises 鈥�138% improvement in skin firmness in 28 days鈥�.
Chris doesn鈥檛 mention the cream maker鈥檚 name, and our research has met stony silence, but may we hazard a guess at 鈥淢edusa incorporated鈥�?
Smooth moves
ALSO pondering commercial messages is Ian Gordon, who recalls two television adverts that would run consecutively with an unfortunate clash of straplines. 鈥淭he products were anti-inflammatory Voltarol 鈥楾he joy of movement鈥�, and laxative Senokot 鈥楻estore your natural movement鈥�.鈥� Perhaps some advert scheduler just has a sense of humour.
A stitch in time
FEEDBACK previously furrowed its brow over the necessity of a company devoted to selling only odd socks (5 November). Mark Dowson recalls a colleague working at MIT in the 1960s who always wore odd socks.
When asked why, he explained that reaching into a drawer of numerously coloured single socks, he was 鈥渕uch more likely to retrieve an odd pair than a matching pair, so it saved valuable time.鈥� So the next time your boss complains about your scruffy attire, just tell them it鈥檚 one the habits of highly effective people.
Call sign
BILL BARKSFIELD tells us that despite all the missives, he couldn鈥檛 let the latest case of nominative determinism slip past him. 鈥淚n a talk at the Newcomen Society in London about the history of mobile phone networks, with a perfectly straight face, the lecturer revealed the inventor of the cellular network at Bell Telephone was none other than Douglas H. Ring.鈥�
Saint Agur
FRENCH scientists are investigating how on earth some people don鈥檛 like cheese (5 November).
Ian reappears in our inbox to say that as scans showed the brain鈥檚 reward centre lighting up in response to cheese, even in those who profess to hate it, the study 鈥渋sn鈥檛 worthy of further investigation, since it just means we鈥檝e found a tool to detect those who find pleasure in abstinence鈥�.
Evidence of a piety gland? Feedback thinks it would certainly be worth looking into a test to find the saintliest among us.