Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Dark energy haunts CERN
EARLIER this year, CERN announced that it had discovered a new form of matter (18 July, p 7). Yet even more incredible occurrences inside the supercollider have come to light.
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newspaper reports claims that the Large Hadron Collider played an instrumental role in a secret Illuminati plot to open a portal to another dimension and destroy the human race, as revealed by the UK politician who prevented it.
According to 鈥淭he World鈥檚 Greatest Newspaper鈥�, Simon Parkes, one-time Labour councillor for Whitby, told attendees at a UFO conference that the plan was foiled when he led a 鈥済lobal mind warp鈥� in August, which created a wave of disruptive positive energy and closed the portal.
Perhaps weary of responding to tabloid journalists with incredible exclusives, the CERN press office maintains on its website, which includes a denial that the LHC is capable of opening doors to other dimensions. It does admit that the atom smasher may create harmless quantum-sized black holes. If those do ever grow big enough to threaten the human race, at least we鈥檒l know who to call.
鈥淲hen I first came to this job one of my two questions was: 鈥業s climate change real?鈥� Reassuring words from Andrea Leadsom, UK Minister for Energy and Climate Change.
Fracking under pressure
MORE trouble with girls, this time experienced by Averil Macdonald. According to the emeritus professor of science engagement at the University of Reading, UK, women oppose fracking because they don鈥檛 understand it. Macdonald claims that instead of facts, women form their opinions of shale gas extraction based on gut reactions such as maternal instinct, and are 鈥渁lways concerned about threats to their family more than men鈥�.
Macdonald shared her thoughts with The Times , in an interview marking her inauguration as chairwoman of UK Onshore Oil and Gas, a lobby group hoping to warm public attitudes toward the fossil fuel industry.
Macdonald was soon called upon to against accusations of sexism, but fittingly for a spokeswoman of the fracking industry, only succeeded in digging herself further into a hole. Writing in , Macdonald blamed the lack of women studying science as the reason behind their failure to get on board with fossil fuels, an accusation EDF Energy broached with only marginally more grace last month (17 October). Like the awkward kid in the classroom, the nuclear and gas industries are desperate to get girls to like them 鈥� if only they knew how.
Hoist with our own petard
A COUPLE of weeks ago, Feedback 鈥減endantically鈥� discussed the gendered Latin roots of the word puerile (24 October). We鈥檙e hanging our heads in shame.
Not making the cut
FEEDBACK previously discussed afuncts 鈥� items that are rendered useless by their own overwrought design. We are thrilled to see the field continue to grow in new directions.
The Skarp Razor is a design so far ahead of the cutting edge that it doesn鈥檛 even have a blade. Instead, a tiny laser beam in the head burns through hairs, giving what the company promises is an incredibly close shave 鈥� and perhaps less convincingly, 鈥渘o razor burn鈥�.
The company behind the razor, Skarp Technologies, managed to before Kickstarter, the website hosting the campaign, put an end to the whole thing, for the quibbling detail that the product doesn鈥檛 exist, even as a working prototype. Feedback thinks may be a polite way of saying that Kickstarter doubts it ever will.
The laser razor has since sprouted up on rival crowdfunding site Indiegogo, a host seemingly more ambivalent on such matters, and who the creators say 鈥渂elieve in the 鈥�.
Of beans and broilers
ELSEWHERE, Sam Floy puzzles over what makes an area 鈥渦p and coming鈥�, that diagnosis beloved of estate agents the world over.
By mapping the ratio of two ubiquitous (and some might say culturally contrasting) London establishments 鈥� fast food outlets and coffee shops 鈥� he was able to sniff out areas of the city that are affordable, yet whose streets are bathed in the aroma of roasted beans rather than fried chicken ().
Further plans to map the ratio of bargain stores to bicycle repair shops, and 鈥渢he street price of coriander鈥�, hint that Sam鈥檚 analysis is firmly tongue in cheek, though Feedback suspects it is now inevitable that the broiler-brewer index will become a staple of estate agent windows.
Spanish fly?
FINALLY, the long winter nights promise to fly by if The Times is to be believed: the newspaper announces results of a study showing 鈥溾��. However, hopeful suitors will be disappointed to learn that the test subjects were fruit flies, although the journalist does insist these have 鈥渁 similar genetic make-up to humans鈥�.
A colleague muses: 鈥淭his explains why, like fruit flies, men begin courtship by vibrating their legs against a woman鈥檚 head.鈥�
(Image: Paul McDevitt)