快猫短视频

(Image: Paul McDevitt)

Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more

Star in a jar

FOLLOWING discussion of patent piracy in the sex toy start-up world (29 August), Michael Berkson is reminded that the UK patent office is well stocked with incendiary ideas. 鈥淚 suggest patent , 鈥楾ransmutation of Elements鈥�, which claims the synthesis of helium and the simultaneous generation of energy by mixing aluminium powder, solid sodium hydroxide and water in a steel pressure vessel,鈥� he writes.

Incredibly, this patent was granted to Noel Ignatius Rafferty in 1964. 鈥淭o use a somewhat hackneyed phrase,鈥� writes Michael, 鈥渋f the inventor were correct that Bethe鈥檚 thermonuclear carbon cycle occurs within, I do not wish to be within one astronomical unit of the experiment.鈥�

BMW warns that adults in the rear of the 3 Series 鈥渨ill find their knees touching the backs of the front seats, especially if two adults sit in front!鈥� Ken Smith wonders if it鈥檚 safe to let children drive鈥�

Office costs are rising

STUDENT debt is spiralling ever higher, helped in no small part by companies willing to charge young learners vast fees and inflated textbook prices. Yet a special offer made to Marc Smith-Evans puts even these outsized costs into perspective.

鈥淚 was contemplating whether to upgrade my Microsoft Office package and came across this spectacular price for Office 365 for University: $1,567,239.33.鈥� The Home edition of the same software package was a relative snip at $99.99.

鈥淚 wonder whether this version includes all essays and exam answers,鈥� ponders a dejected Marc. 鈥淚f not, I probably wouldn鈥檛 admit to being a student.鈥�

Tactile title

FURTHER to our grasping for a handy name for contactless cards, Chris Williams writes: 鈥淪ince the card is held above the reader and is likely to be used for rail travel and impulse purchases I suggest 鈥榦verpay鈥�.鈥�

Go up in smoke

YOUR Truly Horrible Ideas for Saving the Planet continue to stink up Feedback鈥檚 inbox. Roger Everest has a cut and dried plan to bring the world into equilibrium, writing: 鈥淢y plan is to create a huge carbon sink by planting tobacco in the Sahara desert.鈥� To ensure long-term demand for this much leaf, smoking will be encouraged from the age of 10, and everybody on the planet will be supplied with 40 cigarettes per day, free of charge.

This idea will pay for itself by eliminating the need for pensions as well as the associated costs of caring for and housing the elderly.

鈥淎 further benefit will be the additional income taxes raised from growers, packaging, distribution and undertakers,鈥� writes Roger. Although he admits that the production and uptake of carbon dioxide will be net zero, he says the sequestration of millions of toxin-filled bodies will more than compensate.

Bamboozled no more

MORE carbon sequestration: Andy Gillespie writes to locate the 2 kilograms of carbon that EcoStore claims of their bamboo-derived plastic packaging (8 August). 鈥淲hile I share your scepticism over the true carbon-capturing properties of the product, this is basic chemistry.鈥�

鈥淭he bamboo absorbs and splits the CO₂ into carbon and oxygen as it photosynthesises. The O₂ is released and the carbon is incorporated into the bamboo鈥檚 tissues, which ultimately becomes the feedstock for the plastic.鈥� As the molar mass of molecular CO₂ is around 44 g/mol, but pure carbon is only 12 g/mol, says Andy, 鈥渋t seems perfectly possible for one kilogram of the material to have twice its weight of stored CO₂ 别辩耻颈惫补濒别苍迟鈥�.

Blanket statements

CAUTION must be urged for EcoStore customers if reports from Catherine Gerrard are to be believed. She forwards a clipping for , a horse rug built from 鈥渘anometer-level bamboo carbon鈥�.

As well as boasting a 鈥渕inus ion effect鈥� that will inexplicably neutralise lactic acid and balance blood pH in the wearer, the embedded bamboo charcoal within the blankets can, it is claimed, 鈥渞elease nature鈥檚 far infrared ray to work with the body鈥檚 existing ultra red to increase molecular vibration. This helps to keep the body warm from the inside.鈥� A perplexed Catherine asks, 鈥淚 can only assume that ultra red is what most of us know as orange or yellow; but my horse is black and white, so will the rug still work on her?鈥�

Astronomical difficulties

FEEDBACK readers continue to meter out unusual units. Paul McKinley shares the story of a manager who would rail against every obstacle with the common refrain 鈥渢hey can put a man on the moon but we can鈥檛鈥︹��.

The building rang with this cry of despair so often that 鈥減utting a man on the moon鈥� became a measure of the difficulty of a task. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 a two man-on-the-moon job,鈥� Paul鈥檚 colleagues would declare. The units of this measurement were, of course, 鈥淎rmstrongs.鈥�

On the Edge of your seat

THE Edge is a building in Amsterdam with LED lights that communicate with workers鈥� smartphones, giving them control over the heating and lighting in their immediate area (15 August, p 18). Ray Norris is relieved to read that managers of the smartphone tracking system will not 鈥渕onitor movements in the toilets鈥�.

He adds, 鈥淚 trust they won鈥檛 be monitoring the stream of people using the urinals either鈥�.