Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Do we need a fun spy tool?
A COMPANY in Hong Kong sends Feedback an invitation to buy 鈥淪py DVR hidden watches鈥�. In case we weren鈥檛 sure what we鈥檇 want one for, describes many of the watches as 鈥渁 fun little spy tool that allows you to take video no matter where you go鈥�. It also warns: 鈥淒o not use this product for any illegal purpose.鈥�
But what caught our eye was the sign-off on the email: 鈥淲aiting for your earlier comments鈥�. Had we been able to comment before it arrived, we would probably have powers that render spy tools unnecessary.
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鈥淣o chemicals allowed in this refrigerator,鈥� says the sign a safety officer posted in a lunch room at NASA鈥檚 Goddard Space Flight Center. Dennis Chesters is 鈥渟till trying to find edible stuff not made of chemicals鈥� to put in it
Most comprehensive fruitloop
WOULD we need spy tools if we had access to the technology that Harris Steinman points us to at ? Two of the more prosaic benefits claimed by its founder, Brian David Andersen, are 鈥減roper hydration via structured water鈥� and the ability to 鈥渞educe negative effects of radiation from cell phones鈥�. That gave us a good flavour of the evidential rigour here. Then we visited a 鈥溾�� in which he sets out his thoughts and proposals as an 鈥淓bola Syndrome Investigator鈥濃��
鈥淗ow can signals coming from a computer via amplifiers, Ozonated oil suppositories and cellophane wrapped colloidal silver, Vitamin E and Ozonated Hemp Oil assist,鈥� he asks, 鈥渋n stimulating stem cells to neutralize the symptoms of a spider bite and other toxic overloads? How is the Ebola Syndrome connected to spider bites?鈥� How indeed?
Now, artificial fruitloopery
THE above may be the most comprehensive collection of fruitloop phrases Feedback has seen. But Brian David Andersen has non-human competition. At least four readers alert us to a website with the enticing welcome: 鈥淣amaste. Tired of coming up with meaningless copy for your starry-eyed customers? We can help.鈥�
When Jack Kelleher clicked the button on the New Age text generator at , it announced: 鈥淐onsciousness consists of molecular structures of quantum energy. 鈥楺uantum鈥� means a refining of the cosmic.鈥� He would 鈥渓ove to say I fully understand, but as the website noted on my next click, 鈥極nly a visitor of the dreamscape may engender this wellspring of learning鈥�.鈥�
Machine promotion looms
HAS anyone, Paul Barrow wonders, used the above-mentioned website that we must refer to as to 鈥渟ave time in creating their fruitloopery-advertising copy?鈥� How could we tell? We asked it. It answered: 鈥淗ave you found your story? It can be difficult to know where to begin.鈥�
Illegal, indecent, dishonest鈥�
WE DO, however, have a new tool in fruitloop-cataloguing. Since 1 March 2011, the UK鈥檚 has . So we entered some of our favourite indicative words into its search engine ().
The old-fashioned 鈥渧ibrations鈥� has garnered a mere three complaints, all upheld: one involved a between two makers of electric toothbrushes, one that claimed to eliminate 鈥渂ad vibrations [man]鈥�, and one .
The word 鈥渉omeopathic鈥� gathered , to which we shall give vanishingly small attention; all but one were upheld, at least in part. There have been relating to the word 鈥渜uantum鈥�, all upheld. No one has complained about a 鈥渢achyon鈥� product鈥� .
Quite interesting predictions
JUXTAPOSITION can be inspirational. Andrew Shead notes 快猫短视频鈥榮 interview with the 鈥渆lves鈥� who dig up fascinating and unlikely facts for the (20/27 December 2014, p 40). He anticipates that our mention in the same issue of what he summarises as 鈥渓ab-grown female anatomy鈥� (p 32) will 鈥渟mite them between the eyes鈥�. He expects that they will latch on to the final sentence: 鈥淭he surgeon behind the breakthrough is now developing lab-grown penises.鈥�
And Andrew predicts, in detail, that 鈥渢his Elvish research will appear in a 2015 QI discussion. Stephen Fry will announce that he is contemplating ordering the extra large in black. One of his guests will assert that he doesn鈥檛 have enough blood to operate it without swooning.鈥�
Oldest television re-run
MEANWHILE, the temporal powers of the above-mentioned BBC programme QI appear to be stupendous. Brian Burbage sends an image of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation offering the chance to watch the episode of 30 November 1899. Fun fact: contrary to the John-Logie-Baird-centric narrative of BBC history, the on television, or at least a television-like system, was granted to Paul Nipkow in Berlin, Germany for his Elektrisches Teleskop 鈥� and was effective from 6 January 1884.
Happy high-precision Pi Day!
FINALLY: happy high-precision Pi Day! (3/14/15 9:26:54, US format.)