Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Nano-whatsits invade minds
FOLLOWING our mention of a portmanteau conspiracy theory (13 April), Fred Riley sends an update. That story concerned 鈥淣ew Evidence Fukushima Disaster Created by HAARP/Chemtrails/Plasma Weapons and Possible Mini-nuke鈥�. This one, posted to the UK on 9 May by someone calling themselves David Lloyd, informs the world that the reason that species and habitats are facing wipeout is 鈥淐hemtrail spraying of our skies 鈥� NANO sized aluminium and barium particles鈥︹��
Feedback had wondered when a conspiracy theory with nano-whatsits would appear, and here it is.
Advertisement
What other conspiracy theories might be looming? Could we prepare ourselves pre-emptively to debunk them? For inspiration, we looked to the Feedback list of fruitloopery indicators: words, like 鈥渜uantum鈥� and 鈥渧ibrational鈥� that, out of context, are sure-fire indicators of鈥� unusual thinking (13 October 2012 and 20 August 2011).
From the list we picked 鈥渢achyon鈥�. A famous web search engine informed us that the pairing 鈥渢achyon chemtrails鈥� is already in conspiracy-theory use, at least in the sense that on Ebay there is an 鈥溾�� that promises to protect you against the oh-so-mysterious trails of vapour in the sky. We should have expected that, too.
Astronomer Jay Pasachoff sends us a photo of a sign affixed to the wall of the Indianapolis Convention Center. It says: 鈥淧lease Do Not Affix Any Items to the Wall鈥�
Super-extra-complete download
LAST month we reported on Hugh Lawton鈥檚 screenshot showing that his download of the MacKeeper programme had reached 鈥�4,100% complete鈥� before he got bored with watching it (25 May).
Marc Smith-Evans writes: 鈥淚 can do better. Hugh hasn鈥檛 reached half way, but then again, how many per cent would be half way?鈥�
Marc sends us a screenshot of MacKeeper installing on his computer. The screen announces: 鈥淒ownloading: 9,800% complete.鈥�
Soap surface surprise
THE 鈥渋Touchless 16 oz Automatic Sensor Soap Dispenser鈥�, Carl Zetie notes, is apparently equipped with a 鈥淩emovable 3D Container鈥� (see ). Carl says he is forced to wonder what a 2D container would be like 鈥� or for that matter one in four dimensions or more.
Sad soda
THE line at the bottom of the label on Peter Howard鈥檚 bottle of Lucozade soft drink bears no discernible relation to the customer services information above it. It says, simply, 鈥淚f you鈥檙e unhappy keep hold of the bottle.鈥�
Peter is perplexed. 鈥淚f it were something a bit stronger, I could understand,鈥� he says. 鈥淏ut a Lucozade bottle?鈥�
How green is my tile?
IN AN email entitled 鈥淭he greenest glass tile ever鈥�, Kyle Rebryna tells us: 鈥淲ith all the focus these days on making everything greener, one assumes that the more recycled content there is, the better the product.鈥� He gathers that what he has 鈥渋s the best out there鈥�.
What he has is a glass tile sold by Riva鈥檚 The Eco Store in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. He encloses a photo he took of a sign above the samples in the back room of the store. It says: 鈥淔ireclay Tile. Crush Glass. American-made glass tile made from over 100 per cent recycled glass.鈥�
Boxed in
READER Martin Couchman bought a new computer hard drive from Amazon in November last year. He sends a photo of the box it arrived in, showing a solid-looking brown cardboard box with a big red label on it saying 鈥淢ulti item set. Do not open.鈥� Martin is now 鈥渓ooking for ways of making use of the contents of the box. Some sort of wireless communication has been suggested to me, but I don鈥檛 think that鈥檒l help.鈥�
Puffballs not just for skirts
TIDYING some bookshelves, Clare Byrne came across What to Look for in Autumn, a 1960s book for children published by Ladybird. It included what she calls an 鈥渁rresting statement鈥� about the puffballs commonly found in the UK countryside at that time of year: 鈥淟arge fungi of this kind can be made into men鈥檚 hats, and they are very light and comfortable.鈥�
Clare can 鈥渇ind nothing to back this statement up, but would love to see something鈥�. So would we.
Horticultural aviation
MANY readers have drawn our attention to the quaintly named 鈥渮ero gravity garden recliners鈥� that are currently widely advertised in the UK and are from a variety of manufacturers. Richard Oldman鈥檚 comment typifies readers鈥� perplexity about them: 鈥淒o these recliners meet health and safety regulations and are pegs included to hold them down, with restraining straps to stop them and their occupants floating off into space?鈥�
Our red-faced shame
FINALLY, we have, as CERN computer scientist Robert Calliau reminds us, 鈥渙ften pointed out bad uses of percentages and of the phrase 鈥榰p to鈥� 鈥�. He asks, 鈥渨hat is meant by 鈥榚vacuation times were reduced by up to 160 per cent鈥� in the story on panicky ants鈥� (1 June, p 16). Phrases including 鈥渕otes鈥�, 鈥渂eams鈥�, 鈥渟tones鈥� and 鈥済lass houses鈥� come to mind. We did run a 鈥淔or the record鈥� notice as soon as we saw that in regrettably permanent print (15 June, p 32).