LAST year Feedback noted the irony of a website offering help to people with a phobia of phones that advises sufferers to make a phone call (21 April 2007). Kipp Lynch dug a little deeper. 鈥淲hile scrolling the alphabetical list of phobias in the 鈥榩鈥� section of ,鈥� he writes, 鈥淚 came across pupaphobia 鈥� fear of puppets.鈥�
Inspired by this discovery, we went looking for our favourite phobia. Oddly, there appears to be no entry for sesquipedaliophobia 鈥� but there is one for its very grown-up synonym hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, defined as 鈥渁 persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of long words鈥�. Each year, apparently, 鈥渢his surprisingly common phobia causes countless people needless distress鈥�.
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But help is at hand. 鈥淢ost hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia therapies,鈥� the site warns, 鈥渢ake months or years and sometimes even require the patient to be exposed repeatedly to their fear. We believe that not only is this totally unnecessary, it will often make the condition worse. And it is particularly cruel as hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia can be eliminated with the right methods and just 24 hours of commitment by the phobic individual.鈥�
鈥淎t present doctors have no idea why one in three premature babies are born early,鈥� says . 鈥淎nd the other two aren鈥檛?鈥� asks Malcolm Bebb鈥�
For as little as $2497, depending on the severity of the case, you can enrol in a VIP programme to counter this disabling affliction 鈥� whose write-up happens to be virtually identical to that of pupaphobia, to that of coulrophobia (fear of clowns) and so forth (though at least people suffering from those won鈥檛 have run away screaming at the mere sight of their condition鈥檚 name).
Lynch suspects that didn鈥檛 have time to write up each phobia individually and 鈥渟imply inserted {name of phobia} in a template鈥�. It does rather look like that.
Phobias conspicuous by their absence from the list include entries for 鈥渇ear of repetitive websites鈥� and 鈥渇ear of silly marketing鈥�. We are confident that readers will be able to fill these gaps in our lexicon.
Miniature bibles for the troops
BEFORE Christmas, we have just discovered, the Amazing Faith company announced that it was donating 5000 鈥淚tty Bitty Bibles鈥� so that well-wishers could send them to US troops in Iraq for a small handling charge.
A report on explained: 鈥淭he Itty Bitty Bible is credit card-sized and weighs less than an ounce. The Bible opens to reveal a 1 录鈥� piece of film inscribed with every word from Genesis to Revelation鈥� It can be read word for word using any standard microscope.鈥�
Just one thing seemed to be missing from this doubtless well-meant exercise: along with the miniature bibles, did anyone think of donating the microscopes the troops would need to read them 鈥� or was Amazing Faith expecting the soldiers to use their rifles鈥� telescopic sights?
IN THESE carbon-conscious days, with short-haul flights frowned upon, people in the UK wanting to go to Paris may be tempted by adverts for the recently speeded-up Eurostar train service. 鈥淪ay hello to a new dawn in travel,鈥� says the pop-up ad on . It is promoting the 300 kilometres-per-hour service that runs to Paris from St Pancras station in London, or from an exciting new international station at Ebbsfleet, Kent.
But where is Ebbsfleet, exactly? We type in the name on Streetmap鈥檚 excellent website and go straight to an Ebbsfleet in Kent 鈥� but this one doesn鈥檛 have any international station, just a note saying this is the place where Saint Augustine landed in AD 597. Google Maps point us to the same station-free Ebbsfleet on the Kent coast.
Eurostar鈥檚 own website does at least have a map showing the new Ebbsfleet station, which turns out to be about 80 kilometres west of our coastal Ebbsfleet. Eurostar鈥檚 site also has a link so you can 鈥減lan your train journey to Ebbsfleet International from any station in England, Scotland or Wales鈥�. Clicking on this takes you through to National Rail Enquiries. Type in your journey to Ebbsfleet and you are provided with a timetable to Benfleet, Essex, which is about 30 kilometres away from Ebbsfleet station and on the wrong side of the river Thames.
So, if you鈥檙e a Brit and you fancy a quick trip to Paris do you a) try to find Ebbsfleet on the web, b) buy a map of south-east England, blindfold yourself and stick pins in it, or c) give up on all this eco-friendly stuff and fly from Heathrow airport instead?
FINALLY, we have just come across the promotional blurb put out last month for a book called Infernal Devices: Machinery of torture and execution. The book is described as 鈥淎 short overview of some of the most brutal and bizarre torture and execution machinery used throughout history and culture. Descriptions are accompanied by unique colour renderings created exclusively for this book by Erik Ruhling鈥� The ideal illustrated book Christmas gift idea.鈥�
On the whole, we don鈥檛 feel too bad that we failed to give this ideal gift to our nearest and dearest on 25 December 鈥� nor that we failed to give any kids we know an earlier work of Ruhling鈥檚 entitled .