THE camera on board the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter is fulfilling its promise. At the end of last year the SpaceDaily website reported that the camera would be able to 鈥渟ee things on the planet as small as a dishwasher鈥� (12 November 2005), and Sky and Space magazine declared that 鈥渨hile previous cameras on other Mars orbiters could identify objects no smaller than a school bus, this camera will be able to see something as small as a dinner table鈥� (3 December 2005).
Now, as several readers have noted, a press release from NASA informs us that 鈥渞ocks and objects as small as armchairs are revealed in the first image from NASA鈥檚 Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter since the spacecraft manoeuvred into its final, low-altitude orbital path鈥�.
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What all this terrestrial domestic detritus is doing on the planet remains unexplained.
SOMETHING feels not quite right about the way the UK鈥檚 Institute of Scientific and Technical Communicators describes its attempt to encourage input from its members. A section of the ISTC鈥檚 website is devoted to its annual conference, held earlier this month. This includes a page headed 鈥淏rainstorm鈥�, which announces: 鈥淭here will be a brainstorming session held immediately before the AGM鈥� No discussion of ideas will be permitted.鈥�
鈥淎ccording to the Irish edition of The Sunday Times, Graham Johnston informs us, 鈥淎n average Irish person creates 137 stones (869 kilograms) of rubbish a year, equivalent to the weight of a basking shark.鈥� So now you know鈥�
RECALLING our excursion into bananana-land on a famous web search engine (2 April 2005) Angi Mauranen found himself investigating grandfathers on the same FWSE. He ran a search on great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather, great-great-great-grandfather and so on, and found, interestingly (he thought), that after an initial decline in the number of hits every time he added another 鈥済reat鈥�, the number suddenly curved up again until it reached a steady phase of around 14,000 hits, where it stayed until 31 鈥済reats鈥�. At this point the FWSE announced that it limits searches to 32 words (one of which in this case was 鈥済randfather鈥�) and would go no further.
Mauranen found that the FWSE behaved the same way when he looked for grandmothers, but says, in a sudden outbreak of sanity, that readers will have to do the job themselves for grandsons and granddaughters.
WHEN Barbara MacArthur left Cardiff Royal Infirmary in the UK with her son after his eye test, they took a wrong turn and found themselves at the back of the hospital where the bags of rubbish were taken. They saw a large notice on the wall and decided to take the advice it gave, which was: 鈥淩efuse to be put into the Incinerator.鈥�
ON the problem of reforming the German healthcare system, Wolfgang B枚hmer, leader of the government of Saxony-Anhalt, has this to say: 鈥淚 can鈥檛 see the quantum leap. But even if we proceed in smaller steps this would be a success.鈥� The statement has left us trying to think of a step that is smaller than a quantum leap. So far we haven鈥檛 succeeded.
FROM Scotland, Mark Stevens tells us that while walking through Waverley station in Edinburgh he heard an announcement from the station鈥檚 automated announcement system, which puts fragments of speech together to form the message. These, he says, never sound natural due to the pause that is inserted between each of the fragments, making even straightforward messages sound incomprehensible. What he heard that day went something like this: 鈥淭he train at platform鈥� 1鈥� is the鈥� 08.25鈥� service to鈥� Brunstane. Calling at鈥� Brunstane鈥� and鈥� Brunstane. This train will terminate at鈥� Brunstane. For stations beyond鈥� Brunstane鈥� please change at鈥� Brunstane.鈥� Got that?
From the Department of Redundancy
FROM our Department of Redundancy files comes this press release put out by the Burson-Marsteller PR agency on 27 June: 鈥淭oday, the leading peer-reviewed oncology publication, Cancer, published by the American Cancer Society, released a study that examines the fear and uncertainty that comes with a prostate cancer diagnosis 鈥� particularly among men.鈥�
SEVERAL perplexed readers have told us about the instructions that come with a tube of Cetrimide antiseptic ointment. These say: 鈥淯sage 鈥� Cetrimide Cream is a mild antiseptic used to treat minor burns鈥� Avoid contact with eyes, middle ear, brain and surrounding membranes.鈥� None of our readers can decide under what circumstances they would be likely to apply the ointment to their brains 鈥� and to be frank we can鈥檛 either.
FINALLY, Ed Hutchinson has sent us a photo of a sign from a campsite encountered by his girlfriend in Scotland. It says: 鈥淎ny dog fouling to be lifted or scooped into the undergrowth.鈥� Hutchinson comments: 鈥淗arsh, perhaps, but it鈥檚 the only language they understand.鈥�