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Fusion made simple

Remember the cold fusion fiasco? According to the Particle Physics Research
Company of Los Angeles, the technology is alive and well, and the only problem
is proving to sceptics that it works (WO 01/63979). To do so, the firm advises,
just make rectangular foil strips from 鈥渇usion-promoting鈥 titanium. Clean the
strips with sandpaper, rinse them with household detergent, and fix them to five
titanium tie bars to make what looks like a miniature picket fence. Immerse this
in a mixture of heavy water and an acid. After a kick-start with a 3-amp
current, cold fusion is supposed to get under way within 12 hours. Don鈥檛 do this
at home, kids.