HUMANS have won the wooden spoon in the sack race of evolution. We are born without wings. It鈥檚 a crucial omission and we are making the environment pay for it.
We like to think we鈥檙e the bee鈥檚 knees of the natural world but we鈥檙e nothing more than bumbling flatfoots. That鈥檚 why kookaburras laugh and midges torment us. We are grounded for life and, in our frustration, we鈥檙e wrecking the planet.
Wings might seem just fun and frippery, but they would also save the environment. If we could fly, we would not be trampling ecosystems underfoot. Natural habitats that now get bulldozed would flourish because we wouldn鈥檛 need roads. There would be no demand for cars, so there wouldn鈥檛 be emissions problems.
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The common housefly travels 300 times its body length in one second. If in a few generations we could match that, we would reach 2000 kilometres per hour, which would make ozone-destroying aircraft and land-grabbing airports unnecessary.
Society would benefit enormously if we could fly. Our philosophy about the private ownership of land would have to change because fences would become useless. Nets wouldn鈥檛 stop people flying into your garden鈥攁s anyone knows who has tried in vain to keep birds out of fruit crops. And domestic rooftops would become public resting places.
The justice system would not need to guard expensive prisons because felons would simply have their wings clipped. Sports stadia would consist of only the pitch, with spectators hovering over the action. Stairs, escalators and lifts would be as superfluous as bridges and tunnels. Buildings would have smaller ground plans and, instead, rise upwards, with entrance porches on every level.
If we had wings, not only would we not need to plunder so much of the Earth鈥檚 resources, but we鈥檇 also be better guardians of the environment. Woodland would not be cut down because trees would be vital resting places as we flitted through the troposphere. We鈥檇 be more aware of the changes to Earth as we surveyed it daily from on high. And we鈥檇 soon appreciate any changes to air quality at all heights.
There would be some drawbacks. Clothing would have to be unflatteringly tight and aerodynamic鈥攂ut our perception of human beauty would soon change so that we鈥檇 delight at a glimpse of plush, plump plumage. Demand for the best addresses would push the prices of mountain eyries sky-high. Electricity pylons and overhead cables would have to go. There would, inevitably, be the occasional crash landing in rush hour as soaring commuters got spun by the wing-tip vortices of others.
But it would be worth these minor hassles. The dinosaurs clearly recognised the merits of wings, and went so far as to evolve into birds. That left us to inherit the Earth鈥攁n inheritance we seem determined to fritter away.
Humans clearly have an intuitive inkling of the need to fly. It comes up again and again, in nursery tales and sophisticated mythology from all over the world.
If we had evolved wings the world would have been blessed. For the sake of the planet, biologists should stop growing ears on the backs of mice and start putting feathers between our shoulder blades, before it鈥檚 too late.
Time鈥檚 running out. Must fly.