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Albert Einstein was playing his violin in a duet with Werner Heisenberg,
who was accompanying him on the piano. After a while Heisenberg slammed
his hands down on the keys and said: ‘It’s one, two, one, two, Einstein!
Can’t you count?’

* * *

William Gladstone, then Chancellor of the Exchequer, was invited to
a demonstration of Michael Faraday’s equipment for generating the latest
scientific wonder – electricity. Faraday set up the experiment and ran it,
while Gladstone looked coolly on. When the show had run its course, Gladstone
stood silent for a moment, and then said to Faraday: ‘It is very interesting,
Mr Faraday, but what practical worth has it?’

‘One day, sir, you may tax it,’ replied Faraday.

* * *

Robert Bunsen, the 19th-century inventor of the laboratory burner,
had an embarrassing difficulty remembering names. One day a visitor called
whom he knew rather well. His name was either Strecker or Kekule but Bunsen
struggled during the course of the conversation to remember which. Finally,
convinced he had it, Bunsen turned to his visitor and remarked confidently,
‘Do you know that for a moment I almost took you for Strecker!’

‘So I am!’ replied his visitor, amazed.

* * *

When Nobel prizewinning physicist Richard Feynman was in Brazil, he
learnt Portuguese and gave his lectures in the local tongue. On his return
to the US, he was invited to party by a colleague who had heard of Feynman’s
linguistic achievement. Wishing to play a trick on Feynman, the colleague
arranged for one of the guests to greet Feynman in Chinese, knowing he had
no knowledge of the language.

Walking innocently into the party, Feynman exhanged pleasantries with
the guests until he met the Chinese speaker. ‘Ai, choong, ngong jia,’ said
the speaker, bowing.

Confidently, Feynman returned the bow, answering, ‘Ah ching, jong jien.’

‘Oh, my God!’ exclaimed the guest, forgetting the ruse. ‘I knew this
would happen – I speak Mandarin and he speaks Cantonese.’

* * *

A physicist at a Princeton party was writing in his notebook and Einstein,
sitting next to him, asked why.

‘Whenever I have a good idea, I make sure I don’t forget it,’ the man
said. ‘Perhaps you’d like to try it – it’s handy.’

Einstein shook his head sadly and said: ‘I doubt it. I have had only
two or three good ideas in my life.’

* * *

Niels Bohr, one of the elders of the atomic age, was visited by a friend
who was amazed to see a horseshoe carefully nailed to the wall, open ends
upwards, to keep the luck inside.

Surprised, the friend said to Bohr: ‘Surely you don’t believe all that
superstitious nonsense about horseshoes bringing luck?’

‘Oh no,’ replied Bohr brightly, ‘but I’m told it works, even so.’

* * *

‘What a horse is, is evident to everyone’ – definition of a horse in
the first Polish encyclopedia.

* * *

The mathematician John von Neumann, who devised the digital computer
among many other achievements, was known as a lover of life, though not
of good driving. When he was at the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton,
one street intersection became known as Von Neumann Corner because he kept
crashing his car there. Colleagues blamed his recklessness on his love of
singing and his tendency to turn the steering wheel in time to the music.

* * *

Von Neumann also had a sense of mischief. Once he offered to drive Einstein
to the Princeton railway station and put him on a train to New York. Einstein
got on the train safely, but – as von Neumann knew – it was heading in the
wrong direction.

* * *

During an Oxford oral examination in 1890, the examiner asked an aspiring
student if he knew what electricity was. ‘Oh sir, I’m sure I’ve learnt what
it is. I’m sure I did know – but I’ve forgotten,’ answered the nervous
candidate.

‘How very unfortunate,’ retorted the examiner, unimpressed. ‘Only two
persons have ever known what electricity is, the Author of the Universe
and yourself. Now one of them has forgotten.’

Sources: Timescape by Gregory Benford, Sphere Books 1980. A Dictionary
of Scientific Quotations, ed Alan Mackay, Institute of Physics 1991. Prisoner’s
Dilemma by William Poundstone, Doubleday 1992. ‘Surely You’re Joking, Mr
Feynman!’ Adventures of a Curious Character by Richard Feynman, Unwin Paperbacks
1986. Eureka & Other Stories by Adrian Berry, Helicon Publishing 1989.